Am i blind?
i know my eyes are open...
...but i cannot see...
everything's dark
it's so dark in here...
and i cannot move...
my body hurts
and i can't draw much air into my lungs
i start tapping my surroundings
and i realize that i am confined
to a deficient and inadequate coffin,
but still...i cannot break free of my cage
and soon.... i will surely die...
in the meantime...i might as well try to remember
what path led me here...to this...
...unpleasant revelation...

there's not much to remember actually,
my last memory is nearly minutes old...
so i have no idea how i ended up down here.

i can feel....the scent of the dirt...it's cold
that dirt above me, covering me...so cold...

i do not have much time left...
and all i know is that soon,
my end will come as a slow painful death
choking..in whatever little air is left
inside this wooden hand-made womb
meant to preserve my body with the traits of death

so i should perhaps start thinking
before dispair takes over
and my mind stops ticking
as loud and precise as some very old clock

skipping minutes and seconds
as if they were non-existant...

time is growing short
and soon my essence will be a ghost's
ethereal and unreal, so far from what lies near
and can be touched...

so now i wonder if life was worth
living...worth seeing...and going through
all those feelings and ideas
the memories always kept so safe and sheer
so cherished and loved...precious to us,
to me...now they mean nothing...
all will be erased...and forever lost in a fog of doubt

such illness and affliction shall take over...
and my existence... and presence will be forgotten
so now i question, if was it worth being born
if it was worth surviving and fighting for...

all i had...and had not...i desired and craved
is now lost in my thoughts...dont matter anymore
for my attention is overwhelmed...with such shock
...such dispair and agony...for what is bound to happen
that nothing else matters....everything feels like it never did
and my regrets are as light as a feather's
and my joy...and pride is also gone...
...those are things that i don't need
any longer...

for i am trapped in this box, so moist and solid as a rock
for i have no strength to break free since they've tied my hands and knees
for i would not be able to save myself and pursue the ones responsible
for i would kill them...before they could even be aware of my resurrection

but such dreams are far from my grasp....i cannot even move nor breathe right...
it's getting difficult to breathe now that i think of it...
i wonder if it will be painful...
i surely hope not...but it will be agonizing for certain...

why am i being punished this way?
what harm have i caused to whom?
i was never told...and no reason i seem to find for this...
i have been forsaken...denied...renounced...from heaven
cursed to this excruciating torment...to the suffering i will be through
until my body draws it's dying breath...
which will be, most likely, happening soon...

oh i don't know what to do...nor think....
if i had a wish...i'd choose to die quickly...and painlessly...
but i shall not lie to myself...nor fall to illusions...
i know it won't be merciful... no compassion to be granted to me
for i will be rewarded all this suffering,
out of all my mistakes and sins.

Will i be released? will i be cleansed...
and washed clean of the putrid
stench of my sins?

but...have i sinned?

...oh well...

..all this waiting is so frustrating,
and for what little time i have still left
i spend it thinking, wondering, trying to remember
gathering strength in my mind to hopefully catch a glimpse
and compreend the reason why...i've come to this...

all this waiting...seems oh so long,
like i've been waiting for centuries...
yet, i know my time is near, and i can feel it...
crawling, approaching, creeping over my skin...
so cold, frozen...it's so frightning...

i can barely breathe...

is it the anxiousness?
or the first symptoms of my condition?
for i am scared as i have never been
and this whole situation tricks my mind
far beyond than my darkest dreams...

of all this thinking...i reached no conclusion...
and it may be pointless to keep on struggling,
should i let myself go and stop fighting against the tides of time?
to fall asleep, like some everlasting torpor
as if i was some ancient supernatural being
locked inside slumber's cage?

i don't really know...
...what to think, or to feel...
or if to accept this nightmare which became real

all i can do now is close my eyes
and fall asleep till my breath's gone
so that soon i might be useful
and provide fresh meat to feed the worms.

(...to be continued...)